I Ain't Dead Yet...

I Ain't Dead Yet... was the final e-wrestling promo written by The Rabbi on August 29, 2009 for an LPW Transatlantic Championship Triple Threat title defense against Ash Strife and Pope Fred at the Insanity LIVE from Woodstock.

The promo scored a 4.13 aps in a losing effort.

Promo
  I ain’t dead yet....

''The Deathcube is over. Rabbi found himself on the receiving end of a stomp from the top of the Cube from his now equal once again on Inferno in Eddie B. that ruined his dreams of a World Title. That night Rabbi also saw former Hardcore Champion HatchetRyda achieve his dream of becoming World Champ. All Rabbi could do was focus on the future, and that was to become the best Transatlantic Champ he could be. We start backstage where Rabbi is being interviewed by Johnathan Cotchman. The interview is in progress.

Johnathan Crotchman: So, what about the Illuminati?

Rabbi: What about them? I never committed myself to the group. I know I’ve said in the past that this show needs saving, but I have apologized for those comments. As for one of the most powerful groups out there, I know I’m not a target of the group, but I am not a supporter either. I have gotten e-mails, calls, letters, and many different messages that have told me to join the cause or go against the cause. However, I have no opinion one way or the other.

Johnathan Crotchman: They seemed to put you in this no-win situation this evening in our main event, didn’t they?

Rabbi: I see an opportunity Crotch. I had to eventually face Pope cause he’s the #1 contender. Me and Ash have had a history, and even though I stepped over his ass to get to the Cube, we were bound to meet again. 2 birds, 1 stone. It’s time to kill two challengers to the throne just like that. And when.....

''All of a sudden a scream gets let out by Crotch, and it sounds a little like a girl. Basically a tranquilizer dart hits Rabbi right in the leg and Rabbi just falls down tot he ground. Crotch calls for help.

Johnathan Crotchman: Can someone call the nearest ambulence?

''A worker to the arena comes out near Crotch....

Worker: Sorry Crotch, with the Illuminati in charge, we only can send help to people who the Illuminati finds “extremely necessary” for medical attention. Rabbi is not one of those people. He’ll be fine eventually.....

''He would be, but not before the people responsible for the attack, Pope Fred, along with Roseanne and Pope’s little boy toy Zest, would come to the scene and access the damage that they did to Rabbi.

Roseanne: Is he awake?

Pope Fred: Who cares? You think he’d feel the same way if he were in trouble? Zest, come with me......

''Rabbi, would wake up eventually, but he was truly not too happy.

Rabbi: Where am I?

Pope Fred: You Rabbi, you are home.

Rabbi: This? This is home?

''Rabbi was in a bench, waiting for the procession to being at a Catholic church. As Rabbi is about to yell, a nice Christian family shushs The Rabbi rather quickly. Rabbi storms off outside the church.

Pope Fred: Why are you leaving Rabbi? Are you too afraid to totally face your fears? Cause there was once a time you were afraid of nothing!

Rabbi: Aren’t you afraid of a place that’s against gay marriage?

''Pope Fred pauses for a moment, nods his head, but Zest slaps him across the head and gets him back to the task at hand.

Pope Fred: That doesn’t matter you stupid Jew! This proves how scared you are of new challenges Rabbi! You got lucky once Rabbi against CAK, but never ever faced me! You were gonna duck me for a long time, but now we face off! I never want to wait!

''Rabbi stares a hole into one of his two challengers as the mass is about to leave. Rabbi actually shakes a few people’s hand as he waits for everyone to leave and continues to address the trio of Fred, Zest, and Roseanne.

The Rabbi: What do you think this is? Is this an episode of Pink Plaid Pants?

''Pope Fred shakes his head before Rabbi continues.

The Rabbi: I mean I have been on there before, and it does have a fabulous green room, but I digress. Anyway, off topic. Tonight is a night unlike any other for you and that devil known as the Crazy Ash Killa. While CAK earned his stripes by building up a path of destruction to this title...I mean he came SECONDS within winning a World Title and he had to wait months just to get a shot at this one..you my friend, STILL have to prove yourself.

''Pope Fred looks to charge The Rabbi, but he stops, and waits to listen at what Rabbi has to say. Actually Roseanne and Zest have to restrain him, but that’s minor details.

The Rabbi: Tonight, is your chance to prove yourself. You my friend are the new breed of superstar. You are flash, you are pizass, you seem at times like you are all talk. Sure you got a few wins at Body Count, but tonight is even bigger for you. Can you handle the pressure, or will you fold like a tent like you did when you faced Vil?

''The two men who were holding Poep back aren’t holding him back anymore. But Fred stops short.

Pope Fred: I’m never angry, but give me one good reason why I shouldn’t knock...you...out.

The Rabbi: Simple, cause you have the same doubts....you’ve always been doubted...ever since the days of Dogma....and tonight is the one night that you can not be seen as nothing more than a joke. I don’t see you as a joke.

Pope Fred: Yes you have!

The Rabbi: Farthest thing from it. But tonight could truly be the night you go from little comedy act, to the man who defeated the longest reigning champion in ALL of LPW. Come on Fred...you know you wanna say something.

Roseanne: Listen here buddy!

The Rabbi: Listen Roseanne, I WOULD listen to you, but I have other things to take care of, I do have to train for two superior athletes you know.

''Rabbi escapes and finds a taxi near the entrance of the church, but unfortunately......

THWACK!

''Rabbi gets hit in the back of a head with a hammer.

''A little over 20 minutes later, Rabbi wakes up, in a dark room (what seems to be a basement, but we’re not so sure). When Rabbi wakes up, he finds the one man he least wanted to see just holding a flashlight to his face.

Rabbi: Crazy Ash Killa. Goddamnit.

CAK: What were you expecting Jewboy! You always have the answers in your promos, but this time I’m changing the questions. I know you dodged a huge bullet when you didn’t have to see me in the Cube, but tell me Jewboy, what did you know about my brother?

Rabbi: Your...dead brother?

CAK: Yeah, you knew something when you threw that casket off the boat that night, didn’t you Rabbi! Didn’t you!

''Rabbi gulps for a second, and then starts to speak.

Rabbi: Actually, I didn’t. I had no freakin clue or I have no freakin clue about the Scorpio things.

''CAK stops for a second and then brings back the hammer that he had in his hand that knocked The Rabbi out.

CAK: I got one question for you Jewboy: Are you nervous?

Rabbi: Of course I am, what do I have, no freakin soul?

''Rabbi takes a long stare at CAK, and then stops and looks again.

Rabbi: You are one of the most dangerous entities in this Federation. I know what you can do, why the hell do you think I took out all the stops to beat you on the boat overseas?

CAK: I am the MOST DOMINANT force in the LPW. You and Pope will be no match for me tonight. Maybe I should prove that to you once again with this TRUE Hammer of Justice....

Rabbi: What is with everyone and the damn hammer of justice these days? Oh yeah, CAK, you’re wrong.

CAK: Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t knock you out!

Rabbi: Where have I heard that before? Anyway, cause I HAVE beaten you before, you have no freakin clue where there may be another Scorpio clue again, and as I’ve mentioned before, I am the longest reigning....

''CAK puts the handle of the hammer right near the throat of Rabbi and Rabbi is about to choke....CAK has a few words though before he continues.

CAK: Listen you stupid Jewboy! My brother is dead! That will not be a distraction for me tonight, not at all. As for YOUR reign of terror, that does not compare at all to what I am going to do to you tonight, in that ring, and I will finish you off, and take care of that sneaky Pope. You both are going down once and.....

''Maybe he shouldn’t have talked so much. Rabbi pulls CAK’s mask up for just a few seconds and finds his way out of the basement, out of the house, and onto the street where Rabbi finds a cab.

Rabbi: Cab driver! I need to get to Woodstock and I need to get there right. Now.

''The cabbie stars speeding off as CAK is just out of the house waiting for Rabbi to come back.

Rabbi:  '''I’m not dead...yet. '''