The Wild Cards introduce themselves to the Illuminati

The Wild Cards introduce themselves to the Illuminati (also called Wild Cards and Illuminati Face-Off) was an e-wrestling promo written by Wevv Mang in June 2005. It was re-posted as part of The Nearly Complete Works of Wevv Mang - The PWA Years.

The promo revolves around The Illuminati cutting a promo during a house show, only for Wevv Mang to interrupt with a retort.

Promo
 'A Recent House Show In Boulder City, Colorado

''We join the Illuminati mid-promo in the ring. Ham, SoL, Satisfaction, Alexie, and Phantom Lord. Each has said their piece to the locals, who are just booing the crap out of them. Having had their fun, and getting warmed up for the next round, Phantom lifts the mic to his mouth to speak when he is rudely interrupted.

“Amberdawn” by Yngwie Malmsteen ''plays from the loudspeakers and drowns out Phantom’s words, as Wevv Mang and Mr. Wang appear at the top of the ramp and start their way down to ringside. A mixed reaction from the crowd greets them. Mr. Wang trails Wevv, who has his Tag Team Title belt on his shoulder, and a mic in one hand, while Mr. Wang carries a briefcase. Neither is smiling. Indeed, instead of the usual arrogance radiating from Wevv, his demeanor is one of focus. Neither Mr. Wang or Wevv looks at the crowd, staying focussed on the obvious threat in front of them. As they reach ringside, they stop. The Illuminati share amused glances as they point at Wevv. Phantom lifts the mic again to speak.

Phantom: As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by this man with a death wish, there will be some changes around here, starting TONIGHT! In this-

Wevv: Excuse me! I have something to say. Mr. Wang, if you will?

''Mr. Wang places the briefcase on the ring apron, opens it, and takes out an envelope, and enters the ring.

Phantom: Hey EVERYBODY! The Loo-ser has something to say!

''Satisfaction laughs and makes a big L-sign with her hand and puts it on her forehead.

Phantom: Care to explain how you blew Schizophrenia’s, OUR SHOW, clean sweep at AR II? No, wait, let me guess. It wasn’t your fault!

''The Illuminati laughs, while Wevv calmly enters the ring.

''As Phantom raises the mic to speak again, Wevv turns to face back up the ramp, and points to the ring, and then makes a throat slashing gesture. Phantom’s mic goes dead. In the ring, Mr. Wang bows, and then hands Alexie the envelope. Perplexed, Alexie takes it and opens it and starts to read.

''Now Wevv smiles. Anger starts to surface on their once smiling and indulging faces.

Wevv: That’s better! Step aside, make room. Thank you. Now I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced. As I’m sure you know, I am Wevv Mang, one half of the TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS. My associate is Mr. Wang. Now, I must apologize for interrupting your little party, but I’m sure you can all stroke each other off later, in the privacy of your dressing room. But there is business to discuss.

Wevv: Congratulations on taking over Schizo. No one loves seeing Villiano beat down more than me, but your recent actions have made me concerned. Like making a match pitting the other half of the Tag Team Champions against a nihilistic, self destructive, traitorous scum bag, regardless of his physical condition! Why, I expect such callous disregard from Villiano, but from you? Bah, I should have known better. You haven’t a pair of balls among the lot of you.

''Wevv starts to yawn. He turns his back on the Illuminati and yawns and stretches. Ham snarls. Wevv looks over his shoulder as he speaks.

Wevv: Sorry, jet lag. Hey! Are you looking at my ass?!? I’ll have you know, it’s exit only!

''Sol hands his belt to Satisfaction, and removes his sunglasses, and watch. Ham starts towards Wevv, but Alexie cries out:

Alexie: WAIT! Don’t touch him!

''The Illuminati stop in their tracks. Wevv turns around and smiles.

Wevv: Ah, I see you CAN read! Excellent! Just to clarify things, that is NOT an international phone number. For the slower of you, well, that’s all of you isn’t it? What your graduate from Moe, Larry, and Curly Law School there is just starting to understand is that little piece of paper is more than it seems. Indeed, backed by international law, in accordance to the Munich Protocols, and encompassing the restitution agreements established by the UN, and as ratified in The Hague, I, and my partner Red Dragon, are envoys of the PWA. Ambassadors, if you will. The PWA is an international organization. And as Champions, we are public symbols of that company. And when the company sends us into hazardous situations, if something were to happen to us, we can claim the right of restitution. And the company will be forced to make amends. And that means that YOU, the now owners of this company, will be the ones to pay. I’ve included an estimate of our worth, for your connivence. While we have a duty to perform, if we lodge a formal complaint against a certain match, it must be addressed, and modified until we can reach an agreement. Now I must be going, so much work still to do!

''Wevv turns and starts to leave the ring, while Phantom and Alexie have a conference. Wevv stops before jumping down from the ring apron and says:

Wevv: Oh, I almost forgot! Mr. Wang?

''Mr. Wang opens the briefcase again and pulls out a large yellow book. He holds it up so that the title can be read. It’s “International Law For Dummies”. He throws it into the ring.

Wevv: I think you’ll be needing that. Oh, and one last thing. Let’s not let this situation get ugly, shall we? I think you’ll find me a reasonable man. But don’t push it.

''Wevv hops down from the apron. “Amberdawn” starts up again as Wevv slowly backs away, with Mr. Wang at his side. His smile is gone, replaced by a cold determination. SoL steps up to the ring ropes, with Ham by his side to watch Wevv go. Phantom is having a heated exchange with Alexie. Satisfaction looks up at SoL’s face and rubs his arm. SoL and Ham exchange quiet words, while “Amberdawn” plays on...

Fini...