Altered Reality (The Tales of Krimson Mask)


 * This article is about the Krimson Mask promo. For the professional e-wrestling pay-per-view event, see Altered Reality.

Altered Reality was a promo written by Krimson Mask for Altered Reality III as part of The Tales of Krimson Mask. Krimson Mask was a member of Pyromania's Team N'itomniskittel, which consisted of N'itomniskittel and the Lost Prophets' Retribution and Cyrus. Their opponents were The Misfits (Headbanger, Trey Spruance, Edible, and T.J. Rage.

Krimson Mask was the sole survivor, scoring a 4.20 aps.

Promo
    ~ THE TALES OF KRIMSON MASK ~         ALTERED REALITY

''   ~I    am so stoned right now. My brain feels so scrambled, a restaurant could serve it with bacon. What’s happened to me? Nothing feels right. I think I’ve been unconscious for a couple hours. For how long I have no idea. I’m finally coming out of it now. Ugh.

''Where am I?

''My eyeballs scramble frantically around my surroundings to clue me where the hell I’m at. I stare directly up into the trees skyscraping above me. Thanks to the white powder I was inhaling, the trees look taller than the Tower of Babel. The wind begins to pick up, sweeping the smell of cedar tree into my nostrils. My eyes see the whistling gusts of air sprinkle the leaves as they cling onto its branches. The wind pushes the grayness from the stratosphere and reveals a sky that’s bright with moonlight. I can see everything, it’s just everything looks really wavy.

''Wait, why I am lying here in the middle of the goddamn forest by myself? What kind of mess did I manage to get myself into? Where in the hell are Vissers, Reich, or Pliska? What? Do they just leave their best friend out here in the woods during chipmunk mating season? What a bunch of pricks. Those assholes are nowhere to be found. They probably just took off in my Camaro and left me out here to rot. Figures… Get me doped up and take off.

''I’m so pissed at myself. I can’t believe I let them pressure me into doing this. The guys wanted to take our heroin stash and smoke it on Old Man Hannigan’s land. They knew I was going to say no. Somehow they weaseled there way inside my inner-conscience to get me to do this. I can’t believe it. I used to never be like this. I never did drugs, alcohol, anything. Fuck, I never even used to swear. I was what people would call a “good boy”. Now look at what happened to me.

''All of a sudden, my stomach is beginning to feel really painful. How can that be, I’m stoned beyond comprehension. It’s a good thing I got weed. I just have to grab the heroin bag in my pocket and it’ll solve everything. Just two sniffs would do I think. Just two. Two pinches of that sweet white powder into my nostrils and this strange pain in my stomach would be all gone. The aching would be replaced with a sense of serenity. I could be floating on a cloud of euphoria again. The pain would be dulled. My state of my mind would be calmed. My nerves would be massaged with a sensation of pleasurable ecstasy. There would be no need to worry about the pain. The drugs would solve everything. Maybe I could even write some of my marijuana-induced poetry.

''I heard you can write some really fucked up things when you write poetry on drugs. That’s what my English 212 professor taught me anyway. I learned that this Samuel Taylor Coleridge guy got hooked on some opium and his dreams would inspire him to write these vivid imaginative poems that were acclaimed all over the world. What was that one poem I was learning about the other day…what was it…oh yeah, Kubla Khan. Writing about a different dimension containing incensed trees, sunny grass, and then domes made of ice and fire floating on a cloud and shit… I want to know what kind of shit he was on when he wrote that.

''I can’t take it anymore. I gotta reach for it. I need a snort. The marijuana will disconnect me from the pain. I need it now. I try to move my arm to my back pants pocket but my arm stays pinned on the ground. My hand remains stationary to the dirt. I try to roll over, but my body doesn’t do what my brain commands. Everything in my body seems to be locked up. What is going on? Why can’t I reach? Why can’t I move my arm!?

''What did my friends do to me? They have to be out here somewhere.

''WHERE ARE YOU GUYS? I scream, but the scream is heard only in my head. My lips don’t move. My tongue stays lying in on the floor of my mouth like a carpet. My jaw stays bolted to my skull. I can feel them, but nothing budges.

''Why can’t I talk?

''Why can’t I move?

''What’s happening to me?

''There has to be someone out here. My eyes frantically scan the area around me again. My eyes seem to be the only bodily function that operates out of my entire uncooperative body. I can feel the wind crashing against my skin, but my body stays secured to the grass.

''Oh Jesus Christ. Am I paralyzed? Is this how it feels? I can’t be paralyzed. That’s impossible. There’s no way. I’m too young. David Papelbon is not gonna be paralyzed of motion for the rest of his life. I am not going to look like one of those patients in the hospital whose mouth is attached to a straw and sucks in Gerber food for the rest of his life. I’m not going to rehab in some clinic where a nurse that looks like an 800-pound gorilla helps me take baby-steps on one of those parallel bar walkways. That can’t happen to me.

''I gotta calm down. Everything is going to be okay. It must be the drugs talking. It has to be. This has to be some kind of nightmare or hallucination caused by the marijuana. It’s just my mind playing tricks with me. HA! That’s it. I must have overdosed. This is just some kind of side effect where you have temporary paralysis. Just like The Rock and Stifler were temporary paralyzed in The Rundown when they ate that mango fruit and the horny monkeys came to get some. Just like that…but not. It’ll be over soon. It has to wear off. Right?

''But what if I am really paralyzed? What then? What if no one finds me? Will I just rot away? Is this the way I’m gonna die. I’m gonna starve to death in the middle of the fuckin’ woods with crack swimming through my blood canals. What will my parents think when they find out when the police officers tell them I had a pound of heroin in my pocket? What will my friends think? What will my relatives think?

''Oh my God.

''Jill.

''What will my fiancé think? Jill loves me. She trusts me with all her heart. She never would think of me as a druggie. How could I do this to her? She means everything to me. Whenever I look at her, I see desire in her eyes. Every time she smiles, my heart melts inside of me. She has the most beautiful heart, and every time she smiles I can see it inside of her. I crave her. Why am I on these damn drugs? There’s no better addiction in the world than her love.

''What am I doing out here? What will she think of me when she gets the cause of death from the coroner’s office and sees that I actually did inhale way too much crack? I’ll destroy every perception she ever had of me. It’ll kill her dreams. I can’t ruin her life too. I love her too much.

''No.

''NO!

''NOOOOOOOOOOO!

''I can’t go out like this!

''What have I been doing with my life? I’ve been taking everything for granted. I’ve been taking my life, my Jill, my faith. I never realized it till now when everything in my life that has meaning can stop and crash down in front of me. I didn’t want this to happen. I just wish everything would be the way it was. But it can’t. Not anymore when something like this happens to me. There’s no way. I can’t live my life in self-regret, victimized by my own sin. I want a second chance at life. I don’t care what I have to do. I’m gonna get off this ground and I’m gonna walk out of this place on my own two feet. It’s not over yet. There’s no way I’m going to die like this.

''Wait! I think I heard something.

''…

''…

''…

''I swear to God I heard something or someone. It sounded like someone’s footsteps were pressing into the fallen wood branches.

''WHO’S THERE? I try to yell as my tongue remains limp on the bottom of my mouth. It has to be Vissers, Reich, or Pliska? It has to be! They must have come back and tried searching for me. Or maybe they’re just trying to scare me out of my wits. I don’t care what they’re doing. Someone’s here and I need them to find me. If I could just turn my head ever so slightly, I could see who it is. I wish I could yell to them right now. I need to if I ever want to see my Jill again.

''I need to make some kind of noise. Whoever is out here, I need them to hear me. With every fiber in my body, I need to channel a voice from the deep recesses in my body and try to escape a sound. I need to say something. Anything! I’m not dead yet! I need to if I ever want to see Jill again. Here it goes…

David:

''DAMN IT! WORK! Out of all the times in my life, why does my voice fail to start now? I need to be brought back to life. Come on! Talk!

David:

''I gotta keep trying. I can’t stop trying. I’m not gonna give up. I’m never gonna give up.

''Wait, I can hear someone. It’s a girl’s voice. She sounds like she’s…singing. Oh my God. This is my chance for help! Whoever you are, please over here and help me!

Little Red : “Headbanger and Juliet, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes a baby in the baby carriage…”

''Her footsteps are getting louder. I can hear her skipping towards me. Oh thank God! She’s coming towards me! I’m saved!

Little Red : “Then comes fighting. Then comes cheating. Then comes divorce. Then comes a restraining order. Then comes a child custody case. Then comes a murder of one of the spouses. Then comes a life sentence. Then comes psychological counseling for the baby. Then comes…wait a tick? What comes after that? This new world and their nursery songs are so confusing. It’s so much different than back home. Oh hey, look at you. How did you wake up?”

''I can see her now. She’s looking down at me from above, just like how a dentist gazes down into my opened mouth when I’m laying down uncomfortably in the dentist’s chair with that bright overhead light blinding me from above. But why am I thinking of that? There’s someone here. Oh thank God! Everything is going to be okay!

Little Red : “Hi there. It is good to see you finally wake up. My name is Little Red Riding Hood, but you can just call me Little Red. That is what all my friends call me.”

''I must still be really stoned if I’m seeing a woman calling herself Little Red Riding Hood. It’s still a month away till Halloween. But what do I care? This woman is my ticket out of here if I ever want to see my Jill again.

Little Red :“Did you hear my nursery song? I hope you really, really, really liked it.”

''HELP ME! I shout out to the fairy tale girl, but the sound is muted by my motionless condition.

Little Red : “Come on, gorgeous. Tell me! Tell me how much you liked it.”

''Why is she asking me that? Why isn’t she helping me? Can’t she see that I need immediate care?

Little Red : “Come on. I know it was good. Grandmother always told me I had a beautiful singing voice.”

''I can’t talk! I can’t say anything! I can’t move my mouth! Surely you must see that.

Little Red : “Fine! Don’t tell me you liked it. You think the song was horrible. Just tell me. Tell me how bad it was! It is not my fault your world has horrible nursery songs.”

''CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I’M PARALYZED! I howl as my voice bounces around the dark walls of my skull, but the sound never exits my comatose mouth.

Little Red : “You hurt my feelings. I am a very, very, very sensitive girl? But what should I expect from someone that lives in this horrible world. I hate it here! I want to go back to Grandmother’s house. When I get back there, me and Grandmother will have a gay ‘ole time. We will bake cookies together, and then we will knit stockings with an ample amount of yarn, and then, oh, and then we will talk about true love. Do you know anything about love mister?

''Why aren’t you helping me? Don’t you have a cell phone so you can call 911? Please. I would do anything to see my Jill. I want to be with her again. Please! Help me! If I only I could say something right now so you could understand. I need to keep trying. I know I can do it.

David:

Little Red : “Of course you do not. No one in this world knows about true love. Just look at everyone in the PWA. SamYi and Cher tied the knot, but they have no idea what is ahead for them. And then look at those Misfits, Headbanger and Juliet. They are always holding hands together, hugging each other, sword-fighting each other with their tongues. I hate all of them. It makes me sick looking at them. Everyone seems to be in love but me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! What is wrong with me? Why can’t I find true love?”

''For the love of God, can you please help me!

Little Red : “But why am I asking you? You have not answered any of my questions. It seems like you can not even talk.”

''Wha… Huh? You’re just figuring this out now?

Little Red : “You can not even move a muscle. I wonder if you need help. Hmmmm.”

''YES! YES! I COULD USE SOME HELP! I shout as the voice bounces inside the deep abyss of my mind. Go Call 911! I don’t care if the authorities find the marijuana stash in my pants. I don’t care if I have to go through months of extensive rehabilitative treatment. I just want to have a chance to set my life straight. Most importantly, I want to be with my Jill again.

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “I got it!”

''What?

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “You must be my true love! I read this story before. You can only be awakened by true love’s first kiss. You are like a hairy-chested version of Snow White while I am like your Princess Charming who will resurrect you with my delicate lips. You must be my true love. I have to kiss you to awake you from your deep slumber.”

''No! That won’t work. What is wrong with you? Go get someone to call 911. Oh no. She just crawled on top of me. Normally a girl this hot sitting on my crotch would get me very excited. But not her. Anyone but her. Not someone as loony as this girl.

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “Oh yeah! Let’s do it right here, gorgeous. No one’s looking.”

''She’s puckering up now. Her lips are getting closer to my corpse lips. What kind of sick twisted person is this? Her tongue is invading my lifeless mouth. I can’t do anything!

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “Mmmmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm.”

''She finally releases her liplock from me. What a surprise. My body is still glued to the ground.

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “Why are you not getting up? True love’s first kiss is supposed to awake you from your deep sleep! It worked for Prince Charming and Snow White! Sure, no one in the kingdom knew that Prince Charming was a necrophiliac who went around graveyards digging up graves and making out with deceased women in their caskets, but still. It worked for him and Snow White! Why did it not work for me? Wait a tick. I know why it did not work. It can only mean one thing. You must have another love! No! NOOOOO!”

''Yes. I love you Jill. If I only I could tell you one more time.

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “It’s not fair! Why can’t I find my true love? There’s so much pain without love. There is no happiness for me. This life is full of misery. I must not be perfect enough for anyone!”

''Oh my God! Are you mentally retarded? Help me!

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “Hey! You just rolled your eyes at me! I know that look! You think it’s because I’m too fat? I guess I have been putting on weight lately. I knew that bear I ate the other day was gonna make me look bloated. I wish I had not eaten that carcass. That’s it, isn’t it? Tell me I’m right.”

''Little Red grabs my haunted head and starts forcefully nodding my head in agreement with her statement.

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “Hey now. You do not tell a girl she looks fat. That’s naughty. You deserve a spanking.

''You just made me nod my head. Now she’s moving my limp butt and now she just found my…

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “Oh my goodness, you have a bag full of magic fairy angel dust in your pocket. I have wanted this for my entire life. Back when me and Krimmy wrestled in Never Neverland for a time, that Tinkerbell slut never would never let me have any.”

''Please don’t inhale that. Trust me, you don’t need any.

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “But now, I can finally put some on me. I’m just gonna sprinkle it all over me and then I should able to FLY! La la la la la la! I will fly in the sky like a birdie. I will soar higher than a sky-lark. I want to be HIGH! Tee hee hee hee hee.”

''Little Red drops my bag and then looks at me with her cold, dead eyes.

<span style="color:#">Little Red : But I’ll tell you someone who really has their heads in the air. It is Headbanger and his band of merry Misfits? Trey Spruance, Edible, and T.J. Rage all think that they can beat my best friend Skittles, the PWA Hardcore Champion Retribution, and the “Shadow Master” himself Cyrus. They are ka-razy. But then what’s even funnier, tee hee hee hee hee, is they think Krimson Mask can be beaten. The Misfits have no idea what they got coming. All four of them will go down faster than Jack & Jill went down the hill.”

''Whoever these Misfits are, I hope they destroy you.

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “You wanna see what Krimmy is gonna do to the Misfits? Do you? Do you want to? Come on. I know you do.”

''No! I want to go home. I want everything the way it once was.

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “Oh Krimson Mask! Where did you go? Come here Krimmy! Our friend here wants to see what you have planned for the Misfits. Tee hee hee hee hee.”

''By the urging of Little Red’s hands, she forces my inanimate head to look to my left. OH MY GOD! What is that? It’s some kind of huge, masked monster holding a large axe. That axe must be five feet long. Here’s looking over something. JESUS CHRIST, there’s three bodies laying on the ground! Their bellies have been cut opened. That monster is looking over one of them and placing heavy stones inside its belly.

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “We’re gonna do to the Misfits exactly what we did to the Big Bad Wolf. Tee hee hee hee hee. Just think. You are the lucky one to see it first.”

''Wha…? Those three bodies… They can’t be…  No. Please God no. Don’t tell me that’s them. They are! It’s Vissers, Reich, and Pliska! They’ve been dead the entire time. My friends have been laying right next to me with their guts filled with rocks. I was never able to move my head to see it.

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “It looks like you guys really did get…STONED! Tee hee hee hee hee!”

''Krimson Mask is hoisting his axe over his head. He’s about to chop off Reich’s head!

''NO! YOU CAN’T! I scream from the cold prison of my psyche.

''The blade easily slices through Reich’s head like a butcher knife goes through a watermelon! Reich’s head tumbles off his body as his neck oozes crimson blood all over the ground! How can they possibly enjoy doing this? Now that Krimson Mask monster has grabbed Reich’s decapitated head and he’s pouring the blood onto his face! This can’t be real.

''LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! I shriek from my bodily purgatory. I CAN’T STAY CALM! This is more than a mental break down! I’m having a PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAIN WRECK! I think my brain is having a seizure! AAAAHHHHH!

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “You’re eyes are going crazy. Just wait till you see what we did to you. Tee hee hee hee hee.”

''Little Red forces my head to look down at my stomach and……….OH MY GOD! THEY DID THE SAME THING TO ME! MY STOMACH IS FILLED WITH STONES. LITTLE RED IS STICHING MY STOMACH BACK TOGETHER WITH ROCKS NESTLED IN MY INTENSTINES. HOW DID THEY MANAGE TO DO THIS TO ME! WHILE I WAS PASSED OUT, THE DRUGS I TOOK MUST HAVE DISCONNECTED ME FROM THE PAIN! OH MY GOD! HOW AM I STILL ALIVE!?!

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “Come on! Get up and run away. Me and Krimmy thought that was really funny when the Big Bad Wolf did it. Tee hee hee hee hee.”

''YOU DESTROYED MY LIFE! YOU DESTROYED MY DREAMS! YOU’VE ALTERED MY REALITY! YOU KILLED MY FRIENDS! YOU’RE THE REASON I CAN NEVER SEE MY JILL AGAIN! I CAN NEVER LOOK INTO HER EYES AGAIN! I CAN NEVER KISS HER AGAIN! WE CAN NEVER HAVE A FAMILY TOGETHER!

''WHAT KINDS OF DEMONICALLY INSPIRED ACTS OF VIOLENCE WILL THESE TWO MONSTERS DO TO THE MISFITS! WE WERE JUST GUYS TRYING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME IN THE WOODS! WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY GOING TO DO TO THEIR ENEMIES! THOSE POOR MISFITS DON’T STAND A CHANCE!

<span style="color:#">Little Red : “COME ON GORGEOUS! I WANT TO HEAR YOU SCREAM! TEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!”

''OH MY GOD! KRIMSON MASK IS STANDING OVER ME! HE’S PEERING DOWN AT MY PARALYZED BODY! NO! STAY AWAY FROM ME! HE’S RAISINIG HIS AXE OVER HIS HEAD! NOOOO! HE’S ABOUT TO KILL ME! HE’S DROPPING THE AXE TOWARDS MY HEAD!

David: “NOOOOOOOO<span style="color:#">……………………………………………"