Insanity Christmas Special

The Regal sounds of Yngwie Malmsteen’s “Amberdawn” plays over the PA system. The fans suddenly get to their feet, and face the ramp, as the lights dim and a burgundy hue takes it’s place. The entryway is lit around the edges with a brilliant golden light. A man steps from the side and is outlined. Another man steps form the opposite side and is also backlit. The crowd cheers, and then Wevv Mang begins his procession down to the ring.

Somewhere between the top of the ramp to the end of the ramp, the cheers turn to boos. Loud, resounding boos.

Wevv ignores them all, as does Mr. Wang. Keeping a stoic face, he adjusts his silk tie slightly, as the only acknowledgement of the turn of events. Wasting no time, Wevv heads for the steps and ducks between the ropes and enters the ring, Mr. Wang right behind him. The lights come up, and Wevv stands in the middle of the ring, staring into the hard cameras. Mr. Wang hands him a microphone, once Wevv sticks out his hand to take it. The crowd roars. Wevv raises the mic as the music fades out, and the chanting begins, filling the void. Wevv just waits. The chant circles around the crowd and is picked up, strengthening, becoming a single voice.

“WEVV MANG SUCKS!”

“WEVV MANG SUCKS!”

Over and over again.

Finally, Wevv turns away from the cameras, and clears his throat into the microphone. The crowd responds with a roar. Wevv finally holds up a hand, and the crowd quiets. Not totally, but enough for Wevv to begin speaking, slowly, and putting as much weight into his words as he can.

Wevv: Very soon -

Crowd: WHAT?

Wevv: Very soon –

Crowd: WHAT?

Wevv: If you don't want to hear what I have to say, I can always have Kenzo read a few passages from Jane Austen’s “Sense and Sensibility” I got paid as soon as I stepped out from the back and continue to get paid by the minute, so the choice is yours.

The crowd roars. Wevv raises his hand, and keeps it raised. He then tries again.

Wevv: Very soon –

Crowd: (Shaking the entire building) WHAT?

Wevv: Your choice. Kenzo?

<p class="MsoNormal">The crowd starts chanting, as Kenzo reaches into his jacket and pulls out a thick hardbound book. Wevv takes a place beside Mr. Wang, and holds the mic up to Mr. Wang’s mouth. Kenzo opens the books, shifts his stance slightly. He holds the book open in front of him, and rolls his neck. He then tilts his head forward slightly, and a look of concentration crosses his face. The crowd is cheering and whistling. Kenzo stares at the book. The cheers rise and fade as time ticks by. Then Kenzo reaches out a hand. He turns a page. Wevv stands motionless, mic in place. The crowd tries to start a chant, but it fizzles out. Catcalls start coming fast and furious.

<p class="MsoNormal">Kenzo stares at the book. He then reaches out a large hand. He pauses.

<p class="MsoNormal">And then he turns a page.

<p class="MsoNormal">The crowd is growing more restless. Kenzo’s eyes start to glaze. His head dips. He jerks it back up. And then….he turns a page. The camera zooms in on Mr. Wang’s face.

<p class="MsoNormal">Kenzo eyes move back and forth. They then start to droop. Then close. Mr. Wang’s head drops again. The book lowers in his grasp. Mr. Wang then staggers forward a bit, before catching himself and opening his eyes with a snap. He shakes his head, and resumes his stance. The crowd laughs, and taunts Mr. Wang.

<p class="MsoNormal">Mr. Wang starts reading again. The crowd is now totally restless. Mr. Wang starts to droop his head again, and Wevv reaches out and snaps his fingers by Mr. Wang’s ears.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: ENOUGH! No need to continue this senseless, HA HA! Torture! Are you cretins ready to hear what I have to say? GOOD! First things first…

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv clears his throat and takes the books out of a grateful Mr. Wang’s hand, and holds it up.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: If you’re interested in finding for yourself what happens, then I suggest that you head over to Border’s Books! Books! Music! Movies! Borders! Your one stop entertainment shop!

<p class="MsoNormal">''Wevv’s phone starts ringing with 50 Cent’s “I Get Money”. Wevv laughs and throws the books out of the ring. Wevv adjusts his tie again, and then raises his now free hand and looks intently into the hard camera again.''

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: before I was so continuously rudely interrupted, I was about to inform you pathetic fools that soon, very soon, you will witness history. I, WEVV MANG,   WILL ONCE AGAIN COMPETE IN AN INSANITY WRESTLING RING!

<p class="MsoNormal">The crowd cheers.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: Indeed! Mark your calendars, contact your cable company, because this is one match you DO… NOT want to miss!

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: My first opponent, one I know very well, one Mr. T…J…RAGE!

<p class="MsoNormal">The crowd cheers.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: And contrary to popular opinion, I welcome this chance to face such a worthy competitor in T.J. Indeed, T.J has accomplished a great deal since coming to LPW from one of those other fighting organizations. In fact, I’d like to share with you people a few fun facts about T.J.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv puts a hand into his coat and pulls out a couple of index cards. He hands the microphone to Mr. Wang. Wevv holds up the cards and reads:

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: As you may know, T.J. Rage is a former member of the Misfits, (Loud pop), yes, yes, everyone loves the Misfits. No accounting for taste. But, can you name off the original members of that group? The correct answer is: Edible, Trey Spruance, Headbanger, and, of course, T. J. Rage. Mass Chaos is a current member, not an original member. He was recruited into the group by Edible. Again, no accounting for taste, but it’s mostly a free country. Ahem.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: T.J. won his first match in LPW by defeating MV4H in Tampa Florida. Since that fast start, things went downhill for T.J. T.J teamed with his fellow Misfits time and time again, and also seemed to enjoy teaming up with Al, a Misfit Wannabe, but T.J. seemed to find greater success on his own. T.J was the first one of the Misfits not named Headbanger to win individual gold, that being the coveted stepping stone to greatness, the Television Championship. While still a loyal Misfit, T.J. dared to strike out on his own, jumping brands over to Insanity,

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: While the Misfits seemed to crumble without the moral support, and dedication of T.J., T.J. was attempting to achieve the Double Whammy, that being a double champion. T.J and his once again partner Al, attempted to capture the US Tag Team Championships, only to be defeated by the Wild Card Warriors. The tea of Al and T.J was short lived, as T.J. and his partner fought, and out of that battle one man walked out. That man was…you guessed it. T.J. Rage.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: T.J. Rage is a wrestler with a long and storied history in an LPW ring, and a bright future ahead of him, but more than that, T.J. is a man of upstanding character. T.J. is a fighter. T.J. Rage is one of the first to shake off the Misfit curse, choosing to carve his own path in LPW, without relying on his fellow stalemates. I mean really, Headbanger had to change his name to avoid the curse. Mass Chaos had to practically quit the group before he started to truly succeed.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: It was through T.J.’s emerging skills as a leader that helped raise the members of that group to the superstars they are today. T.J. is no longer a follower, or just another piece of meat. T.J. has come fully into his own.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv shuffles through his cards.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: Here are some things you may not know about T.J. Rage. Did you know that T.J. Rage is a   Level 48 Hunter in World Of Warcraft? That’s right. His screen name is xxRageHunterxx. Look him up online and he’ll be happy to join your party.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: T.J. Rage’s favorite movie is “Fight Club”. No real surprise there.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: His favorite TV show, after LPW Insanity, naturally, is “House”. Hm. That is surprising. His favorite bands are: Deathklok, Metallica, and Guns and Roses. He also urges you to check out the upcoming release of “Chinese Democracy”.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: T.J.Rage’s favorite food is pizza, and he likes pepperoni and sausage as the toppings. His favorite guilty pleasure food is ice cream, and his favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla. T.J. Rage also believes in helping others, and is a member of Habitat For Humanity.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: In fact, in order to help support those less fortunate, a new line of ice cream will be released by Ben And Jerry. That’s right, you can now look for this special, limited time brand of ice cream in fine supermarkets across the nation. I am proud to be the one to break this news. In a few weeks time, you can pick up Ben And Jerry’s T.J.’s Chocolate Rage! HMM-MMM!

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: It’s a special blend of chocolate, fudge, brownie, and truly, a raging tempest of chocolate, and that’s not all! When you purchase a pint of T.J.’s Chocolate Rage, a portion of the proceeds will go directly to Habitat for Humanity; to help our less fortunate neighbors in the Caribbean rebuild their homes after a devastating hurricane season! Not only will you get a tasty treat, but you’ll also be helping your fellow man! That’s the kind of person T.J. Rage is! A kind and caring individual, always looking to help, and do the right thing!

<p class="MsoNormal">''Wevv’s phone goes off, and the sounds of 50 Cent’s “I Get Money” plays over the sound of the crowd chanting “T.J. Rage!” Once the sound is heard, the crowd changes their tone to boos. Wevv clamps a hand over his breast pocket, in a vain attempt to muffle the sound. Wevv smiles a megawatt smile, and pretends the gesture was only emotion.''

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: It touches me right here. (Wevv pats his chest after the ringtone stops playing).

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: As you can see, I did my research on my opponent. I would like to thank my interns for the apparently countless hours they spent reading T.J. Rage’s bio page on LPW.com. Thank you.

<p class="MsoNormal">''Wevv paces the ring, as the crowd starts to boo again, and chant “Wevv Mang Sucks!”. Wevv ignores them and checks his watch. He shakes his head.''

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: As I said, I was looking forward to facing T.J. But what I cannot fathom is why T.J. would ever agree to this match in the first place? I mean really, he’s a smart man, he must know what’s in store for him. But just in case, allow me to spell it out for the slower amongst you, and for T.J. Rage, who may be too busy building a house in the Bahamas to realize what will happen if he does indeed set foot in this ring with me.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv pauses in his slow pacing, and turns to face the hard cameras.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: I plan to send a message, and for you to be that message. I plan to do everything I can to punish you and injure you. I am Wevv Mang. I will not stand for the lunacy this company is propagating! I have my pride! I also have a very, very comfortable lifestyle, and am the highest paid member of LPW in it’s entire history! And I will not allow T.J. Rage to put that lifestyle at risk!

<p class="MsoNormal">''Wevv pauses and wipes his mouth. He points into the camera as he speaks.''

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: T.J., I know what a competitor you are, and while this may be my first match, this is also your first match under this new regime. Both of us are looking to make a lasting impression in our debuts. Under other circumstance, we could have been friends. We’re both sensible people, and both of us can't be happy that the company we work for, and love, would hire some Demented Tart as General manager. So, out of respect, I feel that I should give you fair warning. While this is your chance at truly reaching the top, you should also be aware that this could very well be…your last match.

<p class="MsoNormal">''Wevv lets the crowd boo him and continue to stare menacingly into the camera. He then turns away, and once again puts his trademark smile in place.''

<p class="MsoNormal">Wevv: So fans, rush out and buy your T.J. Rage merchandise! Think only good thought of the man known as T. J. Rage! Hold fast those precious memories! And of course, buy what could be the commemorative T.J. Chocolate Rage ice cream, made by the fine fellows Ben and Jerry! Give as T.J. would want you to give, and most important of all, LPW, say a prayer for T.J. Rage! He’s going to need all the help he can get!

<p class="MsoNormal">''Wevv walks over to Kenzo and places a hand on his shoulder. He then checks his watch, raises a hand, and on cue, “Amberdawn” plays again. ''