Post Show (Wevv vs. Dragon) Trash Talking Promo

Post Show (Wevv vs. Dragon) Trash Talking Promo was an e-wrestling trash-talking promo written by Wevv Mang in August 2005. It was re-posted as part of The Nearly Complete Works of Wevv Mang - The PWA Years. The promo was directed at former Wild Cards tag team partner, Red Dragon.

Promo
 ''Between matches, the lights dim and the TtitanTron lights up.

''On the screen, the smirking face of Mr. Wang appears. The crowd boos and cheers, in a very mixed reaction. The camera pans out and Crotchman can be seen.

Crotch: I’m here with Mr. Wang, who has promised me a response to Red Dragon’s challenge! For the first time EVER, we will finally hear Mr. Wang speak! Mr. Wang, buddy, pal, you heard what Red Dragon has had to say, now, the world is dying to know, what is your response? Will you accept Red Dragon’s challenge? Will you set foot in the ring and go one on one with the most dangerous Technical Wrestler in the PWA?

''Crotch holds out his mic to Mr. Wang’s mouth. M. Wang opens his mouth, he looks about to speak. The crowd roars in eager anticipation, and instead, Mr. Wang closes his mouth and glares at Crotch. He waves an arm in a come hither gesture and from off screen, a hand emerges and taps Crotch on the shoulder.

Crotch: WHAT? I’m getting the interview of a lifetime here, I- uh oh.

''Wevv is seen standing next to Crotch, with his arms folded across his chest, a perfect imitation of Mr. Wang’s usual pose. He’s smiling ear to ear. Crotch lowers his microphone, and looks defeated.

Crotch: Oh, I get it. The old switcher-roo. I know what comes next, Can I just-URK!

''Wevv grabs Crotch by the head and gets him in a headlock.

Wevv: Now, now Crotch, no need to leave. You came for an interview with Mr. Wang and you’ll get one. Mr. Wang, will you answer the question?

''Mr. Wang bows to Wevv, picks up the mic to his mouth, and while keeping his mouth shut, mimes a few gestures and bows to Wevv again.

Crotch: What was that? He didn’t say anything, he just-OW!

Wevv: Look! One hand!

''Wevv puts one hand behind his back, and clamps the other tighter around Crotch’s head. Mr. Wang holds the mic out to Wevv.

Wevv: You simpletons may have missed the message Mr. Wang was saying, so, I’ll explain it to you. Mr. Wang said he is not a wrestler. He has nothing to prove, and no obligation to have a match. In fact, Mr. Wang doesn’t even work for the PWA. He works, for ME.

''With that, Mr. Wang nods and takes over the headlock for Wevv. Wevv takes the microphone from Mr. Wang, and straightens his suit coat and tie. He brushes his hair back and then raises the mic to his mouth.

Wevv: I however, would gladly take his place. Mano e mano. Except for one thing…

''Wevv pauses and motions for the camera to get a close up.

Wevv: I don’t want to. I BEAT you Dragon. With one hand tied behind my back. Do you remember what I told you when we started this journey? That you may be the most dominating physical wrestler in the business today. But my Brains, ah, that my brains could achieve victory where brute force could not. I proved that point. Now, you have to live with the shame. Much I like did when you decided to betray me. Which reminds me, Satisfaction is on the rag, so be sure to pick up extra absorbent tampons on your way to pick up SoL’s dry cleaning. If you forgot which brand she likes, just call Ham. He’s made so many trips down that aisle, he’s become an expert on feminine hygiene.

Wevv: But the lesson wasn’t just for you my former comrade, but for my dear former protégé, Sick Fixx, and those cretins who think they, what is the term they like to use? Oh yes, “run excrement”. Indeed, how appropriate. They do run things like shit. Use that meat between your ears.

Wevv: Sick Fixx, you don’t have to worry about Paradigm. As I have for the past year, I will hold them at bay. Once again, I will give them reason to curse my name. For you see, I want you at the top of your game. I want you focused. I want you to show me the fire I saw when I made my offer to you. I want your full, undivided attention. I want your complete focus. Most of all, I want you unharmed and in one piece. For the pleasure of putting you in your RIGHTFUL PLACE will be…all mine. Seattle awaits. As do I…as do I…

''Wevv drops the mic, and walks off camera. Mr. Wang release Crotch, who falls to his knees, choking. Mr. Wang adjusts his tie and straightens his jacket and hat. He lunges at Crotch who falls over backwards scooting away. Mr. Wang looks into the camera, and smiles, and the scene fades to black.