Baffle Them with TPS Reports...

Baffle Them with TPS Reports... was an e-wrestling promo written by Wevv Mang in October 2005. It was re-posted as part of The Nearly Complete Works of Wevv Mang - The PWA Years.

Promo
 ''The scene opens with a close up on the mask of Villiano. Even through the mask, a scowl can be seen on his face. A low growl rumbles from his mouth, and around the cigar tightly clamped in his teeth. The camera slowly pans out to reveal Villiano sitting behind a desk, in his hand, playing cards. To his right, sits Lou, who is smiling happily, also holding a hand of cards. On the desk in front of them is a large stack of poker chips.

Lou: Come on Vil! Make your move! Call me or fold!

Vil: You’re bluffing! I can tell!

Lou: Then call me and find out!

''Vil growls again, and chews his cigar, puffing constantly. Vil’s hand moves over to his stack of chips, and he starts to push them in, then stacks them back up. Vil looks over at Lou, who is still smiling.

Vil: I’m going to –

''As Vil speaks, a knock on the door is followed by it’s immediate opening and Wevv Mang steps inside, carrying a bundle of manila folders.

Wevv: Ah, V, glad to see you’re not busy, partner, there’s some things I want go over with you about the show tonight.

Lou and Villiano: V?!?!

Wevv: What the deuce?!? Oh, it’s you Mr. Lou. I didn’t see you there.

''Wevv crosses the room, plops down the folders on the desk, and crosses behind the desk to stand at Villiano’s left hand.

Wevv: V Your brilliant idea of hitting the mid-west college towns is a good back to our roots move, and don’t get me wrong, but I think we’re missing out on the media exposure a more metropolitan area will give us. I’ve taken the liberty of scouting out some venues. Think Chicago! Take a look at these projections! Sky High! We could make a fortune partner!

Vil: Wevv, first of all....V? (Vil stares at Wevv) Second, never come into my office uninvited. Third, I’m in the middle of a very important meeting. Get out. Now.

Wevv: What? Oh.

''Wevv picks Villiano’s card of the table where he had thrown them face down in irritation, and looks at them. He looks up at Lou, with an appraising glance. Wevv then shoves all of Vil’s chips into the pot. He stares Lou straight in the eyes.

Wevv: You’re bluffing. He’s all in.

Villiano: HEY!

Lou: (Meets Wevv’s cold stare and then whistles) I call.

Wevv: (flips over Villiano’s cards) Three eights.

Lou: (With a big smile) Flush of diamonds!

Vil: GOD DAMMIT WEVV!

Wevv: Oh well. Tough break V! Just take a look at my proposals will you? I have a few things to go over with the production staff. I’ll catch up with you later. If you need me, just use the Nextel. Ta!

''And with that, Wevv bustles out of the office. Lou leans over and starts to stack up the pile of chips. Vil is staring after Vil, motionless. He slowly and carefully removes the cigar from his mouth and squashes it in an ashtray.

Villiano: How long till Wevv gets medical clearance?

Lou: (chuckling) Well, his “doctor” said he has a lower back muscle tear, and gave him eight weeks before he can return to ring.

Villiano: 8 weeks? 8 weeks….

''Villiano picks up a fresh cigar out of his humidor and lights it. He puffs it to life, and slowly blows out a cloud of smoke. He leans back in his chair, and stares up at the ceiling, as Lou keeps stacking his chips in silence, but with the occasional wry glance at his friend. Vil takes another deep drag on his cigar, and then suddenly leans forward and stubs it out.

Villiano: 8 weeks eh? I can wait.

''Lou starts to laugh, and shakes his head.

Villiano: Come on. Divvy up the pot and we’ll start from scratch. Oh, and I knew you weren’t bluffing.

Lou: Like hell you did! I had you sweating!

Vil: Shut up and deal!

''The camera fades out, as Lou deals the cards.