The Great Ham-Wevv Debate

The Great Ham-Wevv Debate was an e-wrestling debate between Wevv Mang and D. Hammond Samuels in December 2005, officated by Jonathan Crotchman. The following is the replies from Mang, as was re-posted in The Nearly Complete Works of Wevv Mang - The PWA Years.

Promo
 ''' Leadership

Crotchman: Thank you for that…enlightening speech. Moving right along, our next topic is “Leadership”. Our first speaker will be Wevv. The question posed to you, sir, is what makes a good leader.

Wevv: Ah, a topic I can really sink my teeth into, being a natural leader myself! What defines a good leader? A question that defies explanation with it’s seeming simplicity. The easy answer is that a good leader is an upstanding citizen, who can tell right from wrong, and thinks of only the people he serves. But that simple explanation is loaded with fallacies and contradictions. The job itself of being a leader must be defined first. Leadership has many requirements, but no clear definitions of how the task is to be performed. Indeed, often after the fact is a man described as being a good leader. Take for instance, Winston Churchill, a legendary leader of the Twentieth Century. Winston Churchill is named a good leader by the generation that followed him, but during his first reign as Prime Minister, he was constantly questioned and badgered. It was only after he had weathered the crisis, that his citizens could see his aims, and thus proclaim him a true leader. War is often said to be the trust test of mettle for a leader, as in the fires of war is one tested to see what steel lies beneath his usually fabricated façade of noble gentility…

''Ham’s eyes glaze over as Wevv drones on. He starts to sway slightly, and comes to with a shake. He taps his cigarette in the ashtray on his podium, and stifles a yawn.

Wevv: Indeed, one could say that leadership requires willingness to stick a Plan of action, no matter the perceived outcome the public may have at the time. HAH! That reminds me of an interesting story George Bush S, once told me at a fundraising gala at the White house I attended. George was telling me about the time he and Ronald, Reagan that is were fishing…

''Ham’s eyes have glazed over again, as Wevv drones on, and on. His head is nodding forward, inching ever so slightly down to the podium.

Wevv: “…and that’s what I call a bottom line!” HAHAHA! The moral of the story is, even when it looks like a man is making a mistake, and sometimes the end results aren’t clearly seen by those on the other side. That’s is gist of being a true leader, to take all the angles into account and work towards a cohesive goal, that will benefit not just one, but over the long run, everyone! That reminds me of a time at Yale, when my philosophy teacher was talking about how Maximillien Robesierre was considered by many to be a dictator of the worst sort. But I disagreed, saying that he forgot what the socio-political mentality was during those times…

''Ham’s head reaches the point of no return, and hits into the podium with a loud thunk, that is picked up and magnified by the microphone. Crotch, who had been glassy eyed himself, comes to with a jerk. Wevv freezes, his mouth open and his hand mid gesture. Ham rubs his forehead and adjust his podium mic and says:

Ham: Good God! Are you still talking? What day is it?

''The crowd erupts in laughter.

Wevv: Do you mind? I haven’t finished yet?

Crotch: Thirty seconds!

Wevv: Very well, if I must. A true leader is one who is unafraid to make the tough choices and is willing to stand up for those he represents, but is also willing to listen to those he governs, and while they may offer advice, the leader is not a slave to the public. He guides, but the people are given the option to follow. But the public must be –

''Ham yawns loudly.

Wevv: (Turns and glares at Ham angrily)- made aware that the Leader may know things that the public doesn’t! That a TRUE Leader has access to information that a normal, AVERAGE person doesn’t! For the good of ALL people! There! Is that simple enough for you? Does that suit your fortune cookie philosophy?

''' Sate Of Affairs

Wevv: It’s my turn now? Finally. And would you mind putting out that cigarette?

''Ham responds by blowing smoke in Wevv’s face. Wevv waves his arm in front of himself, and coughs.

Wevv: I see. So be it. Now, my response to the Negative Nelly’s opening remarks and opinions, and allow me to stress that last word, OPINIONS. For I disagree. Most whole-heartedly. From time to time, a dynasty undergoes a change, sometimes for the better, as it is in this case. Under the tyranny of the Illuminati, my fellow wrestlers and I were not allowed to speak out, lest we become targets for persecution by those in power. Indeed, it was only through my vast intellect that I didn’t wind up as so many others.

Wevv: What we are looking at here is revisionist history, only as told by the LOSING side. My opponent, while looking for Who songs to quote, apparently overlooked the obvious which state that history is often written by the WINNING side. Yet under our guidance, history will not be so distorted, as my erstwhile foe would have you believe when he was in power. Honesty on their part? Hardly. They delighted in spreading malicious lies and rumors! As my foe has clearly stated, he is a lying, deceitful, scumbag. Indeed, yet under our fair and balanced leadership, we shall not shy from the past ugliness, or twist it to disgrace our nemesis, but simply state the facts that lead us to this current Golden Age, so that we may learn from it and not repeat the mistakes.

Wevv: When I say Golden Age, I mean exactly that. It is a new era for the PWA, one of opportunity and forgiveness! I have been granted the distinct honor of working alongside such upstanding leaders, like Mr. Lou, and Villiano-

''Ham coughs into the mic.

Ham: cough Ass-kisser!* cough

Wevv: Excuse me, did you say something?

Ham: No, just inhaled some ash. Please, continue.

Wevv: Smoking is hazardous to your health don’t you know.

Ham: Thank you Mr. Surgeon General. So is kissing ass…

Wevv: Do you mind? Manners! Learn them!

Crotch: Gentlemen, please!

Wevv: Thank you Jonathan. Now, as I was saying, this is a Golden Age of opportunity and freedom! Why, look at us! Mr. Lou has given the both of us a medium in which to express our differences of opinion! Under the old regime, such an act would never have been allowed, lest it expose their inadequacies! But Mr. Lou and Mr. V are forgiving men! Indeed, when Villiano took that first step and asked for my help, I too realized that I should change my ways and forgive those who had wronged me and work for the betterment of all my fellow co-workers, and make this company the greatest it has ever been. And I think we’ll do just that, indeed I do. The best is yet to come, mark my words! The opportunities are already being given! It only takes those of bold heart and mind to seize them and shape their destiny!

''' The Future

Crotchman: Our next topic for discussion is the where do you see the PWA heading? Our first speaker on this subject will be Wevv.

Wevv: Thank you Jonathon. The future is something that has pre-occupied the minds of some of the greatest philosophers and thinks for eons. I remember what Francis Bacon said about the nature of time and predicting the future-

Ham: Oh God, not again! Hey Crotch! Wake me when he’s done will you?

Wevv: You sir, are the epitome of rudeness! Have you no manners whatsoever? This is my turn to speak! Now where was I? Ah yes, the future.

Wevv: The future looks bright my friends! After the dark ages of the Illuminati, freedom has finally found a home on Schizophrenia! At long last, talent, not toadying will finally be rewarded. Fairness and opportunities abound for those willing to step up and seize the moment. The show continues to grow, both in ratings in revenue and also in talent. As we continue to expand, we have added new talent to help bring excitement and freshness to you, the fans. Yet we’re not hiring anyone off the street, but bringing only the best. But there will always be those who fear change.

To those who would prefer a more “Traditional” approach to business, that being the currying of favor and holding back of those more talented, and of course, the ever popular sneak attack, I say fear not. You will have opportunities of your own to look forward to. You’re a part of this family, and as such, you will receive the treatment you deserve. Why, even you Ham can’t deny that you have been given opportunities! Some might say more than you deserve! And who gave them to you? Lou. Villiano. Myself. That’s who.

Ham: You? What have you done for me?

Wevv: (turns to face Ham) Why, giving you a chance you’ve been practically begging for, face-to-face. In fact, I’m surprised this has gone on so long. To be honest, I only prepared notes for the first two questions figuring this façade would have degenerated into a melee by now, but you surprised me. But then again, maybe you’re too much of a coward to take me on face to face. So, as another example of this “corrupt and vile” management’s generosity, I will give you an opportunity more to you liking, I’m sure.

''Wevv removes the mic from the podium stand and turns around and puts his back to Ham.

Wevv: This better Ham? No? Oh wait!

''Wevv puts his hands over his eyes.

Wevv: Much better! Come on Ham! I’m not going to attack myself!

''Ham is still at his podium and laughing at Wevv.

Ham: You have got to be kidding me! You still think it was me? Have you heard a word I’ve said all night? Haven’t I made it clear what kind of man I am Wevv. Jesus. You know what Wevv? You want it that badly, I think I might just-

''Mr. Wang slides into the ring, and the crowd erupts, while Ham is talking. He stands up behind Ham, raises his cane over his head and brings it down square on the back of Ham’s head. Ham crumples forward into the podium, knocking it over. Wevv, back still to Ham, breaks out in a huge grin at the commotion. Mr. Wang stands over Ham, staring down at him. Wevv turns around at last. He raises the mic, and walks over to the prone form of Ham. He throws the podium out of the way, leaving a clear space around Ham. He looks down at Ham, and gives a big sigh.

Wevv: I guess I still have a lot of work to do turning over a new leaf. But there’s just something about dishing out a taste of your own medicine to really-

''Ham has struggled to his hands and knees, but Wevv kicks him savagely in the ribs, driving him back to the mat.

Wevv: - Drive the point home! Welcome to the new regime Ham! Not quite a kinder, gentler PWA, but a JUST one! Seeing scum like you walking around scott free, and mouthing off about how horrible we are, well, that’s a disgrace to me, Villiano, Lou, and this company, as well as the rest of the locker room who actually want to be part of the future that I WILL NOT STAND FOR! I am the Vanguard of this new era! You want to take them down?!? You’ll have to go through ME!!!

''Ham once again struggles to his knees, and Mr. Wang bends down and grabs him by the collar and drags him over to the ropes and throws Ham through them to the floor.

Wevv: Crotch, I don’t think my opponent is capable of a rebuttal. No need to declare me the winner, as all of these fine fans can see, I am clearly the victor! (Wevv points out to the crowd) The future is ours! Long live the Future!

''Wevv shakes hands with Mr. Wang, and the two leave the ring. As they walk back up the ramp, they fail to see that Ham has gotten to his feet. He puts a hand to the back of his head and brings it around to look at it. There’s blood. Ham smiles as he looks at it, and watches Wevv and Mr. Wang as they disappear through the curtain to the back.