Business and Pleasure, Messin' with Villiano

Business and Pleasure, Messin' with Villiano was an e-wrestling promo written by Wevv Mang in March 2006 as part of the Schizophrenia LIVE from East Rutherford telecast. It was re-posted as part of The Nearly Complete Works of Wevv Mang - The PWA Years.

Promo
  Central Park 

''Villiano is jogging in the cold, blustery March weather. He seems focused, as he throws punches at the chill air, and his breath steams in front of him. SA ways in front of him, a figure steps out from behind a tree, and strikes a martial arts stance. Two more men emerge from the bushes, and stand next to the first. They are eerily quiet, and dressed in winter camouflage. Villiano slows, and halts. He turns and looks behind him, and sees more men emerging.

Villiano: Ninjas....I hate ninjas…

''The pack suddenly descends on Villiano, who meets them with fists and kicks…

 Across the Street, Inside the Le Parker Meridian 

''Wevv Mang stands in front of his large window of his Tower Park View, his eyes on a telescope, pointed down into the park. The leafless trees offer an unobstructed view of Villiano being attacked. At the attack unfolds, Wevv can’t help but chuckle.

''A knock on the door is heard, and without taking his eyes away, Wevv says:

Wevv: Come in.

''Mr. Nobody enters, wearing a fancy new suit.

Mr. Nobody: Hey boss, I did like you asked and met with Jack Ass # 6, why you wanna deal with that crazy bastard –

Wevv: (Still looking through the eyepiece of the telescope raises one hand and waggles a finger), Ah-Ah- Ah. What’s rule #1?

Mr. Nobody: Right, sorry boss. Anyway, I gave the package to Mr. Wang like you said, and he said, well, he didn’t say anything, but he basically told me it would be ready by tonight.

Wevv: Excellent. And that other matter?

Mr. Nobody: Ah, still working on that boss.

''Wevv looks up from his telescope, and turns to look at Mr. Nobody.

Wevv: Still working on it? Did I not tell you to get it done?

Mr. Nobody: (fidgeting with his tie, as he answers) Ah yeah, see there was a slight problem. Headbanger wasn’t home.

Wevv: So, you just left a note and flew back to New York?

Mr. Nobody: NO BOSS! I tracked him down. See, that’s when I decided that I better report back to you. He was at White Falcon’s place, holding a protest outside, and since I know you and Fixx are tight, I thought it better to get further instructions before I went ahead and tried to have my little “discussion” with Headbanger. Did I do right?

Wevv: (turns back to look through the eyepiece, and winces, and lets out a little “ooh”) Ouch! That’s going to leave a mark! Ha! No, you did the right thing. I did not foresee this turn of events. Hm. I think it might be prudent to hold off on the waiver. White Falcon has a rather vicious side, and no compunctions about making an example out of Juliet. Still, I’d rather not try to fight that in court. I want you to speak to Headbanger, Trey, and Juliet before the show, and this time, try the concerned approach. It might reach them. Remind them about White Falcon and Bloodrose. That tale will tell itself. Ohh ho ho, that was cruel V!

Mr. Nobody: Uh, whatcha watching Boss?

''Wevv straightens up, and turns to face Mr. Nobody. He reaches out and picks up a remote, which turns on his 42” widescreen TV. On the screen, Villiano has a ninja in a fireman’s carry, and is using him as a flail and shield. As he takes out one group of ninjas, he hoist up the ninja on his shoulders, into a gorilla press, and drops him neck first on a nearby park bench. As a second group of ninjas approaches, he steps up and onto the ninja on the bench and does a jumping, somersault tackle onto the group, knocking them down like bowling pins.

Mr. Nobody: Oh Shit! Mr. V is being attacked by ninjas! Damn that Spectre! We better go help him, Mr. Wevv!

Wevv: Relax, Spectre didn’t send those ninjas, I did.

''Mr. Nobody, with his hand on the doorknob, stops, and turns to look at Wevv.

Mr. Nobody: You sent them?!? But I thought you and Mr. V were buddies?

Wevv: Come back in, and I’ll explain it to you. Good. Now, V was so worked up over this match, and other things, that he needed a little pick me up. And I thought to myself, every time we’ve been attacked by ninjas, that’s the only time I’ve ever really seen him happy. So look at him. I know it’s hard to tell with the mask and all, but trust me, that man is having the time of his life!

''On the screen, Villiano is facing off against one ninja. With lightening fast reflexes, he pokes the ninja in the eye, and kicks him in the shin. Vil then spins in a tight circle and unloads a Roaring Elbow onto the skull of the ninja, who crumples to the ground. Vil turns to find more opponents, but only sees one ninja left standing. The ground is littered with white clad bodies. Vil takes a step towards, the ninja. The ninja takes a step back. Vil takes another step and the ninja turns and runs. Vil gives chase. The pair run off camera. Back in the hotel room, Wevv laughs out loud.

Wevv: Did you see that? I’m going to have to pay Hashamoto double, but it was worth it. Now, since you have nothing better to do, I have a few more assignments. Random has holed up in the basement?

Mr. Nobody: (Looking uneasy) Yeah....

Wevv: Good. Go and tell him that I need more. Simply finding out that Rabbi was seen ten minutes earlier in the same hallway that Mr. Wang was attacked in isn’t going to carry much weight when it comes to light. While it was enough for me to indulge my hatred of Rabbi, it really isn’t the open and shut case I was hoping for. Something doesn’t add up. So, tell him to keep digging! I need more!

Mr. Nobody: Yes boss. I’ll tell Random. Boss? Can I ask a question?

Wevv: You may.

Mr. Nobody: Random doesn’t seem to like you all that much, and I was wondering, why keep him on the payroll?

Wevv: Random has tremendous potential, much like yourself. To unlock that potential, we have to reach him. Somehow. So, in the mean time, while he’s content to constantly under whelm us with his philosophical diatribes, and cries for pity, I will keep pushing him. I will use him. You see, and I tell you this in the strictest confidence…

Mr. Nobody: You can trust me boss!

Wevv: I know. The key to Random is….people forget he’s there.

''The phone rings, and Wevv turns to answer it, and starts to shoo Mr. Nobody away.

Mr. Nobody: I’ll get right on that boss, and thanks for the trust.

Wevv: (Into the phone) Ah, Louis! So good to hear from you! Staying away from the seafood I hope! Ha Ha! Yes, I’m in New York, and ready for the show tomorrow, but excuse me just one second. I’m in the middle of something (Wevv covers the phone with one hand) Mr. Nobody! There’s one more thing! Before you make your way to room 2110?

Mr. Nobody: Sure thing boss! Anyone I should give this to directly?

Wevv: Yes. SoL.

Mr. Nobody: SoL?

Wevv: Indeed, and if he asks what it is, tell him it’s his schedule for appearances for next week. He wants to be a hero of people, well, then he’s going to have to mingle with the people. Starting with an appearance Thursday afternoon at Target, a radio interview first thing Friday morning, and Barnes & Noble for my book release that afternoon, and so on and so forth. He’s going to be quite busy, so he should clear his schedule. Oh, and don’t forget about Random, Ha Ha.

Mr. Nobody: You got it boss. I’m on the job!

Wevv: Sorry to keep you waiting Louis! What can I do for you? Oh, you and that crude humor of yours always cracks me up! HA HA!

''On the screen, Villiano comes walking back into view, dusting his hands. One lone Ninja staggers to his feet. Until Villiano grabs him by the back of the neck. Villiano bends the man over and runs him headfirst into a tree, and then headfirst into a garbage can. He adjust his sweatshirt, and plugs in a loose earbud on his iPod, and starts to job once more. He steps have a little extra bounce in them as he takes off.

'Meanwhile:

''Mr. Nobody steps out into the hall, and looks up and down the corridor.

Mr. Nobody: Ain’t no ninjas going to get me! Sheesh! Some friend!