The Coors Light Photo Shoot

The Coors Light Photo Shoot (also titled Hooch-sicles) was an e-wrestling segment written by Wevv Mang in February 2006 as part of the Schizophrenia LIVE from Boston telecast. It was re-posted as part of The Nearly Complete Works of Wevv Mang - The PWA Years.

Promo
 ''The sounds of Yngwie Malmsteen’s “Amberdawn” plays from the loudspeakers, as once again Wevv makes an appearance at the top of the ramp.

The D: Again? What does he want now?

Phoenix: Well D, it seems like Wevv is going to personally give us an update on the Coors Light Photo Shoot with Satisfaction and Janine!

The D: Well then, let’s shut up and let the man speak!

''Wevv makes his way down to ringside, waving at the fans, and egging them on in a resounding “LOU! LOU!LOU!” chant. Wevv and Mr. Wang enter the ring. Mr. Wang pulls a microphone front his coat pocket.

The D: I’ve heard that guy is actually a robot…

Phoenix: Ssshhh!

Wevv: Is everybody having a good time?

''The crowd roars.

Wevv: I said, IS EVERYBODY HAVING A GOOD TIME???

''The crowd roars louder, and scattered “Lou!” chants break out.

Wevv: Glad to hear it, and I know my little buddy Lou heard it too!

Wevv: What a show we’ve had so far, eh? And it’s only going to get better! How, you may ask? Why, HOT CHICKS IN BIKINI’S, THAT’S HOW!

''The crowd goes crazy.

Wevv: And to tell us how things are going, I bring to you live! Satisfaction and Janine! Ladies! How are you? How’s the shoot going?

''On the Schizotron, Satisfaction and Janine appear. Both are huddled under a blanket and shivering. The crowd had been cheering at the beginning, but now are booing. Satisfaction is looking less than her stunning self, as she appears pale and her nose is red. Janine is clearly pissed.

Janine: Wevv, you lying sack of –

Wevv: Ah Ah Ah! Language! This is live television, so, I’ll thank you to watch the cursing! Now, what seems to be the problem?

Janine: Well to start with, have you ever seen snow in Hawaii? I know I haven’t! So we must not be in Hawaii-

Satisfaction: (wailing) WE’RE IN IOWA! I HATE IOWA!

Janine: Who doesn’t, dear. So Wevv, care to explain that?

Wevv: I have no idea what you mean? I never said you were going to Hawaii!

Satisfaction: But the plane tickets-

Wevv: Must have been misprinted. You see, Lou’s Barnyard Brawl inspired me, and when talking with the folks at Coors Light, we thought that a nice photo shoot, set in the Heartland of America was just the thing! So sorry for your misunderstanding, and I hope you’re not too put out, ladies.

Janine: Put out?!? PUT OUT?!? I’d like to put you out! It’s ten below! You try wearing a bikini in sub zero weather and we’ll see how PUT OUT you are!

''Satisfaction sneezes and shivers beneath her blanket.

Janine: You poor thing! You see what you’ve done to her Wevv? Poor Satisfaction has got a cold!

Satisfaction: I want to go home! I hate Iowa! It smells here! And there’s…there’s…(Satisfaction breaks down in tears) no where to shop-op-op-op!

Janine: Ssshhh! It will all be over soon! Then we’ll shop till we drop at Dior, and (in a loud, angry voice) Wevv will pay for everything, won’t you Wevv?

Wevv: We’ll talk when you get back-

Janine: And that will be when, exactly?

Wevv: In a few days!

''Satisfaction erupts in a loud crying bout, and Janine tries to comfort her, but she just shakes her head, and cries louder. Between blowing her nose noisily.

Wevv: Hang in there girls! Satisfaction and Janine, ladies and gentlemen!

Janine: You’ll pay for this Wevv I swear-

''The feed cuts off.

Wevv: Now, let’s take a look at some of those photos, shall we?

''Wevv leaves the ring, as the Schizotron lights up with sexy photos of Janine and Satisfaction. There’s one of Satisfaction standing next to cow, with snow on the ground and her in a bikini. One of Janine in a hayloft, one of Janine being chased by a flock of chickens, and one of Satisfaction, shoveling snow…