Duty Calls

Duty Calls (also called A Quick Business Trip to Pyro) was an e-wrestling segment written by Wevv Mang in June 2006 for the Pyromania 8.1 telecast where Morpheus was granted General Manager for the show. The segment was re-posted as part of The Nearly Complete Works of Wevv Mang - The PWA Years.

Promo
 ''Morpheus stomps down the halls of Pyro, his expression dark and troubling, and promising untold violence on anyone who dares stand in his way. He reaches the door of Cher’s office and throws it open, not even bothering to knock. He stops in the doorway, frozen.

Morpheus: What the fuck is this? Who keeps letting all you Schizo asswipes in? Pyro doesn't need anymore Schizo garbage on our show. Go back to working at Burger King Wevv. We’re not hiring.

''Wevv takes his feet off of Cher’s desk, and taps the ash off his cigar into a handy ashtray, and stands up, still holding the papers he was reading when Morpheus barged in. Wevv straightens his suit quickly and flashes a sardonic smile.

Wevv: Morpheus! A pleasure to finally meet you!

''Wevv holds out his hand. Morpheus stands in the doorway, not moving. Wevv gives a slight cough.

Wevv: I see. Well, allow me to explain the purpose of my visit.

Morpheus: I’ll come back in an hour, you should be through by then.

Wevv: If you wish. Though I thought you might like to sign off on the paperwork making your temporary powers official, it’s up to you.

Morpheus: Where’s Cher?

Wevv: On vacation. You did tell her she could go on vacation before your little “party” for Zuma. So, legal asked me to deliver the paperwork.

''Morpheus finally enters the office, and as he steps through, Mr. Wang pushes the door shut behind him. M looks behind him, but not surprised. Wevv motions for Morpheus to take a seat. He pulls over a large stack of papers, and puts a Mont Blanc pen on top of them.

Wevv: Splendid! Now, I will be happy to walk you through the forms-

Morpheus: I can read.

Wevv: Indeed. Now, if you would be so kind as to initial here, dates and sign here. That acknowledges that the paperwork has been delivered by an authorized carrier, namely me.

Morpheus: Villiano couldn’t do this?

Wevv: V is busy, as is Lou, so it fell to me. Page 2, initial and date here, sign here, here, and here, and then initial, date and sign here. I took the liberty of looking over the card you suggested. I must say, the boys in accounting will be relieved. You have no idea how much Capitol Punishment cost to put on! Luckily, early buyrates suggest that it will at least break even.

Morpheus: Uh-huh. Like I care. What’s this?

Wevv: Hm? Oh, yes. It’s to acknowledge that the transfer of power of GM is for a specified time. In this case, one show. And that said time limit was vocalized, like I just did and that you heard and understood it. Please sign and date, and include the time. Now I initial and date it. There you go, carry on, only a few more pages to go.

Morpheus: I see. All this for a temporary position?

Wevv: Indeed. Now sign, date, initial here, here, here, and here, and then sign here, here, here and sign and date here.

''As Morpheus reads through a tricky portion of the contract, Wevv takes the time to look around Cher’s office, he says absently:

Wevv: I must say, this card you suggested looks quite promising. But I am puzzled by one thing. Quite an explosive ending of your plans to get yourself a non-title match. I mean really, a match you could say you specialize in, most of your key opponents incapacitate, and you settled for non-title?

''Morphues look up from the contract to stare at Wevv. Wevv has his back turned, but seems to feel M’s gaze upon him. He glances over his shoulder, smiling faintly, and sees M looking at him. He walks over to M, puts a hand on his shoulder, and leans over to point at the paper.

Wevv: Oh, sign here, initial here, sign and date here, initial, initial, initial and date.

''M looks at Wevv’s hand on his shoulder. Wevv gives a little chuckle and takes his hand off M.

Wevv: And that should do it! Congratulations Temporary General Manager Emmy! May I call you Emmy?

Morpheus: Sure. Do it again and I’ll kill you. Don't let that stop you.

Wevv: Well, M, I would say it’s been a pleasure, but I’d be lying.

''Morpheus gets up from the guest chair, as Wevv collects the pages of the contract, and moves around the desk to sit in Cher’s chair.

Wevv: AH! No. You will have to find your own office, Cher’s is off limits while on vacation. Page 10, section 145, under the section of Permanent GM’s personal belongings, referendum C5. (Wevv flips pages of the contract, and draws his finger down a long list) “The Permanent GM’s Office is inviolate, and shall be kept off limits to the Temporary replacement” Agreed to by Morpheus, as can be seen by his initials, (Flips back to the first page) here. So, better find yourself another office. Don't worry, I’ll run down to Kinkos and get this copied stat! Mr. Wang will drop them off later today! Good luck TGM! But I’m sure that an evil mastermind like you doesn't need well wishes from a pencil pushing lackey like me!

''Wevv finishes gathering up the papers, and picks up his cigar, pops it in his mouth. He heads for the door, and Mr. Wang opens it for him. Wevv stops.

Wevv: Come along now! You can't stay here! Shoo! Go scheme your nefarious plots somewhere else!

''Morpheus slowly, warily heads out the door. Mr. Wang is lighting Wevv’s cigar for him.

Wevv: After all, Cher hates it when people use her office without her permission. You wouldn't believe what she said about Villiano and those cigars he smokes! I haven't heard language like that coming out of a woman’s mouth, since, well, a long time! HA!

''Wevv blows a cloud of smoke into Cher’s office.

Wevv: Have fun M, but not too much fun, eh? Now, Mr. Wang, let’s see if we can get out of here without being put into a Sixteen Man, Blindfolded, Handcuffed, In An 100 MPH Exploding Semi Tractor Trailer Truck, Barbed Wire, Zoo Of Poisonous, Fiery Death, Loser Get Thrown Into a Pot Of Boiling Oil match.

Wevv: Oh, and Morpheus, you can keep the Pen.