Christian Parkes

Christian Parkes is a businessman, actor, former American football player and e-wrestler, who currently performs for Lords of Pain Wrestling (LPW) on its Pyromania brand. Parkes debuted at Pyromania 19.1, attacking the injured Matt Clark backstage.

Early life
Parkes is hailed as a five star athlete noted for his big potential and even bigger attitude complex, and agent Paul Hammond is the most recent man willing to take him on in an attempt to cash in on the prospect.

Debut and rookie months
Parkes was signed during September 2011, alongside his agent manager. He debut backstage at Pyromania 19.1, attacking the injured Prophecy of Violence member Matt Clark with a steel pipe. In his debut match at Vertigo 3.2, he competed against 7 Pyromania wrestlers, including Tromboner Man, in a match for TBM's LPW International Heavyweight Championship. Parkes was last to be eliminated, after Cripsy and TBM landed on top of him for the win.

He was then put in a match with fellow rookie Kaiser Teiwaz (which previously included Seth Omega until he was banned from the arena) at Vertigo 3.3, where he defeated him after hitting The Messenger, with help from Hammond. Parkes was scheduled to compete in Damion Kross' Redemption match at All-Stars, but suffered a minor shoulder injury at a house show in Turkey, which prevented him from competing. He did, however, attend the event, as he interuptted an interview by cutting off the camera from the A/V room, and playing an anti-Dynamo campaign advertisement, promoting his crusade "We Hate Dick Dynamo".

At Redemption, parkes competed against 30 other Pyromania and Insanity wrestlers in the Redemption Rumble, with the winner facing the LPW International Heavyweight Championship at Blistering Inferno. Parkes entered at number #, and immediatly eliminated Dynamo. As furious Dynamo re-entered the match and eliminated Parkes, before hitting a Dragon Meteor Press to the outside, right before the break buzzer.

He was given a LPW Pure Wrestling Championship match against champion Daniel Purser at Pyromania 20.1.

In wrestling

 * Finishing moves
 * The Key to Immortality / Torture Trap (Tazzmission)
 * Divine Intervention / Goodbye, Goodnight (Fireman's carry spun into a cutter, preceded by spinning the opponent)
 * Gift from the Heavens / The Messenger (Sitout side slam spinebuster)
 * Favorite moves
 * Elevated reverse STO
 * Reverse STO into a Koji Clutch
 * One-handed bulldog
 * Knee facebuster
 * Top-rope rolling fireman's carry slam
 * Crucifix hold flipped forward into a DDT
 * Elbow drop, preceded by theatrics
 * Full nelson, sometimes transisted into a full nelson facebuster
 * Reverse piledriver, usually preceded by scooping the opponent up
 * Crossbody
 * Reverse DDT
 * Flapjack
 * Arched big boot
 * Exploder suplex
 * German suplex
 * Multiple turnbuckle thrusts
 * Step-up enziguri
 * Superkick
 * DDT followed by a kip-up
 * Rolling cutter
 * Leg drop
 * Running heel kick


 * Will
 * Call in Hammond for assistance in matches
 * Use weapons in creative ways that won’t harm himself
 * Do anything to fuel his ego
 * Throw his money around to make himself look better
 * Wear a suit in every on-screen show where he isn’t wrestling


 * Won't
 * Allow his assistant Jay to appear in or around the ring during shows
 * Use cheap tactics such as low-blows and eye rakes
 * Betray his agent
 * Do anything that will cause him embarrassment, but will, on occasion, let Jay take the blow for him
 * Spend money on things that won’t raise his marketability


 * Nicknames
 * The Best Athlete The World Has Ever Seen
 * God's Gift to The People
 * The Modern Jesus Christ
 * The All-Round Superstar
 * The God of Immortality


 * Managers
 * Paul Hammond (Lords of Pain Wrestling debut to current)


 * Theme Music
 * "Pop Bottles" by Birdman feat. Lil Wayne (Used from Lords of Pain Wrestling debut to current)


 * Entrance
 * As soon as "Pop Bottles" begins, gold lights flash around the arena. Parkes comes into veiw, with Hammond only a metre away. He raises his arms above his head, as gold pyro fills the stage behind him. Parkes starts to walk down the entrance ramp ahead of Hammond, and slides into the ring. While Parkes climbs onto the turnbuckle and poses for the crowd, Hammond stand on the outside, arms folded, and admires his client.

Championships and accomplishments

 * Lords of Pain Wrestling
 * Nominated for 2011 Rookie of the Year
 * Nominated for 2011 Trash Talker of the Year


 * Football career
 * Southeastern Conference Offensive Player of the Week (4 times in 2006, 5 times in 2007, 4 times in 2008)
 * Southeastern Conference Offensive Player of the Year (2006, 2007, 2008)
 * Heisman Trophy winner (2006, 2007, 2008)
 * Sports Illustrated College Football Player of the Decade
 * Pepsi NFL Rookie of the Week - Weeks 1 and 7 (2009)
 * 21st pick for Philadelphia Eagles at the 2009 NFL Draft

Match history

 * &dagger; Promo score is a rating which ranges from 0.0 to 5.0, the latter being the highest. Promos are judged to determine the better promo between e-wrestling competitors.