East Rutherford Open

East Rutherford Open was an opening e-wrestling segment written by Wevv Mang on March 15, 2006 to open up the Schizophrenia LIVE from East Rutherford telecast. It was reposted as part of The Nearly Complete Works of Wevv Mang - The PWA Years.

Promo
 ''Lou is seated behind his desk. Rabbi sits in a chair in front of Lou, reading from a piece of paper. Wevv is sitting on a coach against the back wall.

Rabbi: “- Did willfully, and with full knowledge of his actions, engage in behavior detrimental to my client. On behalf of my client, I hereby recommended that said perpetrator and his accomplices, one Gary Marshal, PWA official, one Jimmy Falkenburg, Announcer, one-

Wevv: Herve Sanchez, Official Nacho Vendor. Lou, please, let me deal with this? I mean really Rabbi, who wrote that? Your ten-year-old nephew?

Rabbi: See? See what I had to put up with Lou? This guy has it out for me. I mean the damage to my reputation-

Wevv: HA! And what a fine one it is? Adeaton, Mr. Wang-

Rabbi: I didn’t do anything to Mr. Wang!

Wevv: My sources say otherwise!

Lou: And who are these sources Wevv?

Wevv: YOU know who they are!

Rabbi: Who? Random people on the street?

Wevv: Random yes. Ah-ha. Very good. A RANDOM GUY said he had solid proof that you had something to do with the attack on Mr. Wang!

Rabbi: WHAT? Bull! I had nothing to do with that! Admit it Wevv, you’re just jealous of me!

Wevv: Me? Jealous of you? Whatever for?

Rabbi: Let’s see, so many to choose from. Beating you for your-

Wevv: Oh, not that again! You got lucky and when your luck ran out, your true colors showed, and they were yellow!

Rabbi: You think I’m a coward?!? Huh? Well let’s settle this!

Wevv: I’ll teach you to mind your betters you worthless-

Lou: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE OR I’LL FIRE YOU BOTH ON THE SPOT!

''Wevv and Rabbi freeze, with snarls on their faces.

Lou: Rabbi, I’ll tell you what. You can prove to me and the rest of the fans that you had Edible beat. I’m giving you a rematch. Wevv, you’re banned from ringside. Period.

Wevv: WHAT?

Lou: You heard me Deputy! You’re staying right where I can see you! Rabbi, that work for you?

Rabbi: No, not at –

Lou: GOOD! Now get the hell out of my office! Wevv, I want a progress report on the card. How’s the Steel Cage coming? You got Trey and Headbanger under control? The Witnesses are causing any problems are they?

''Rabbi and Wevv bump shoulders hard, as Rabbi heads for the exit and Wevv goes to stand by Lou’s desk. Wevv stares hatred at Rabbi, doesn’t take his eyes off him.

Wevv: Not at all. But Ham and SoL are going to be a handful. I don’t buy SoL’s act for a second.

Lou: Oh really Mr. Changed Man?

Wevv: Oh Louis, you crack me up. Now, have you seen Random Guy’s New Entrance video? Quite stunning if I say so myself.

''Rabbi keeps an eye on Wevv, even as he opens the door to Lou’s office and almost steps straight into Mr. Wang.

''Rabbi closes the door and looks Mr. Wang straight in the eye.

Rabbi: So, Oddjob. Tell any good jokes lately? I got one for you. What’s black and blue and red all over?

''Mr. Wang just stares back, arms crossed in front of him. Rabbi puts a hand on Mr. Wang’s chest, and shoves him back. It takes more effort than he thought, but he puts some muscle into it. Once clear, Rabbi says:

Rabbi: You. Or, at least you will be. I’ve got a reputation to keep…